Spirit Dream
by DominaSeraphim
Summary: After experiencing loss everything change. Chihiro is tired of waiting for Haku and believes he has forgotten her, until one day...
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own in anyway Spirited Away_

_**Introduction **_****

* * *

**Haku**

We were sprinting towards the border to the Human world. I held her hand while we sprinted. I felt a little happy because of the warmth from her hand that I held in mine. But I was also sad. She was returning to the Human world, she was going on without me. Forwards, towards her future that couldn't be together with me.

Why had I fallen in love with this Human girl? When? I don't know and I don't care anymore. She saved me, and gave me my life back, taught me the importance of friends and love. A mere Human shouldn't be able to learn a dragon such things.

I wished I could ask her to stay here, be with me. But I knew she didn't have a future here. This was the Spirit world; no Human could live here for a long time without turning into a spirit. And if that happened, she would never be able to return to the place she was born, the Human world.

When we came to the river with the border I could barely see her parents in the distance, waiting for her to come. They had of course forgotten what had happened, and waited for their little girl who they thought where a bit late.

When we came to the river I felt sadder, I wished I could follow her over. But told her I couldn't, I told her she would be fine and that she must promise to not look back. I didn't know what I would do if she looked back, would I rescue her again and stand before the wrath of the Old Gods?

She asked about me, I answered her like I though she wanted me to, with a little smile. "Don't worry. I will go back and have a little talk Yubaba. I'm going to tell her I quit being her apprentice." And to reassure her more, because she seemed like she didn't believe me, I said. "I'm fine, I got my name back."

"Will we meet again sometime?" She said this unsure. She wanted to meet again, I felt a bit happy, but I knew I had to lie to her.

"Sure we will." I tried to sound like I told the truth but I'm not sure she believed me, because she said:

"Promise?"

"Promise." I said surer this time, because she wouldn't go if she didn't believe me. She was staring at me the whole time, like she tried to memorize my face for the future. But I knew it wouldn't help, she would forget everything when she crossed the river and walked into the building.

"Now go. Don't look back!" I held out her hand towards the river and her parents, trying to tell her to go while I wanted her to stay. But she started to go down the stairs, still holding my hand.

When her hand slipped out of my hand I felt like crying. She meant so much for me, and now she was leaving me forever. She would forget me, living in the Human world. She would find someone else, one to marry and have children with. I could never give her that, that's why I let her go.

But I held out my hand a little after she had let go of it, maybe she would take it again. But she didn't, she continued forward, one time she stopped and it seemed like she would turn back, but then her parents called, and she was gone.

I loved Chihiro. I would never forget her even though she would forget me. I felt like my heart had been drawn out of me, I knew I wouldn't love anyone except Chihiro.

_Chihiro_

I cried out her name silently, she was my soul mate, and I would never get the chance to see her or touch her again. The world was cruel.

* * *

**Chihiro**

_I was crying. This wasn't real. It couldn't be happening. How did this happen? Why didn't I do anything to prevent it? Could I have done something? I believe I could, even if the doctors said there was no hope; I believe I could have done something to save her again. _

_Tears falls down my cheeks. I can't stop them from pouring. I know my eyes are red and puffy. I haven't slept good or eaten proper in two weeks. And it's starting to show. My face is white, with red eyes from crying. I have gotten a lot thinner than before, my cheeks stand out more, lost its round shape of childhood. _

_I looked to my left where dad is sitting. He looks even worse than me, grease hair, bad clothes and red eyes. He looks dead. His eyes unseeing, starring straight forward at the thing I didn't want to see._

_Around us in the little room, relatives and people we know, knew and even don't know, are wandering back and forth. Some of them cry, the women have handkerchiefs tapping their eyes. _

_Some of the people come to us. They try to say something comforting, or just laying their hands on our shoulders, showing support. I don't want all those people to be here and I know she wouldn't want them to be here either. But I can't just throw them out. They also have a right to grieve. But now they are just annoying. _

_Because I have nowhere left to see, I turn my face to look at the picture in front of everyone. Incense is lighted, and flowers everywhere around it. The smiling face in the picture reminds me of happier times. Times with laughter and joy. Looking at the picture, a small tear flowing down my cheek, thinking:_

"_Why did you have to die? I could have saved you like I did before! Mom, you shouldn't have died, it wasn't your time yet. I don't know how to live without you!" _


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Spirit Away  
**_

* * *

_**Smiles and meetings**_

**Chihiro**

It was eight years since I saw him. Eight years spent waiting for him to keep his promise about seeing each other again.

I was always afraid, afraid of my thoughts that swirled inside my head. They always came back every time I tried to push them away.

What if they had forgotten me? What if Haku never intended to keep his promise? What if I was destroying my life for nothing?

Yes, I was destroying my life. I didn't really belong in the human world anymore, not after the journey I had when I was ten.

I couldn't associate myself with the people of the Human world, I felt so different from them. They never understood me, and I never understood them.

In the eight years I had lived in the human world after being in the Spirit World, many things had happened.

My mother died of cancer just a year after the fated encounter. She became sick and never truly recovered. And when I was eleven she died, leaving me and dad alone.

I can still remember the last day I saw her, before the doctors came and told us she was dead.

* * *

"_Chihiro you know I love you, don't you?" Her voice was small._

"_Yes, Mother. Please don't leave us alone!" I cried, burying my head in mothers' bedclothes. _

"_I am sorry that I will never get to see you grow up, Chihiro. Nor will I be able to meet the man you one day will marry. There are so many things I wanted to experience and see still. But I know now that my time here is over."_

_I cried even more because of her words. They seemed so final, like there was no tomorrow and maybe for her it wasn't. Mum petted my head, trying to calm me down._

"_I will always love you Chihiro, and I will watch over you from heaven. When you look up to the stars, I will wave to you. Remember you will never be alone. I will send someone to you that will protect you and love you like you deserve." _

_I looked up at her. My tear wouldn't stop falling down and soaked mums' cloths. "I love you Mother, I don't what I will do without you."_

"_Hush, child, don't cry. I don't want you to cry, please stay happy, for me. And live the life I couldn't." _

_It was quiet; the only sound was harsh breathing and my sobs. Mum opened her mouth once again. "Take care of your father for me, he has suffered enough. If I could I would have speared him for this pain."_

"_I will Mother, I will take care of father." I promised her._

"_Thank you Chihiro."_

* * *

And that was the last time I met and talked with mum. Afterwards it was the burial, but it was so depressing, that I can't remember that day clearly.

Because of the feeling I had of not belonging in the Human world, I became obsessed with mythology, especially dragons and spirits. I always carried one book about that particular topic with me.

I was also called the crazy girl, at school, who talks to herself, because that's what I did. Maybe not exactly talking to myself, I talked to a statue of a dragon that resembled Haku so much that I brought it with my spear money. And because of it the student body called me crazy.

I didn't have any problems at school except for being ignored, but that didn't bother me too much. I had very good grades, almost at the top of my class for eight years. (Easy to be when you have nothing better to do than homework.) The teachers liked me, and I often got favors from them. Like: no shouting at me if I was late for class or forgot something.

I had a happy life at school, of course I was a little lonely sometimes, but I wanted to be alone. And I was glad I had scared the potential friends away, because I didn't want to be stuck in their schemes. I just wasn't comfortable with Humans.

The worst part of my life was my home life. Dad was so depressed after mums' death, that I was afraid he would die. He didn't eat, slept rarely, stopped to talk and move altogether. Every morning I needed to wake him up, and shove him out of the door to get to work.

It seemed like he had stopped to live and now just existed. The sparkle he had in his eyes had died long ago. He had loved mum, she was his light. When she died, there was no reason for him to live, except for me.

Therefore he stayed, got to work every morning and tried to smile when I talked to him. It was difficult for me too, I was also depressed. But because of father I never truly got to grieve. I had to grow up and be the responsible, take care of dad and myself.

Every night I used to cry myself to sleep until I was twelve, after that I stopped to cry altogether. I couldn't be weak anymore. But I still dreamed about the Spirit World. Every night I would dream about the people I knew and loved. Especially one person: Haku.

Haku the young dragon boy, who had helped me when I was drowning in his river at age three, and later saved my life again when I entered the Spirit World for the first time.

I wondered how he was and where he was. Had he gotten away from Yubaba when he got his real name back? Was he older than before, would I ever meet him again? Did he remember me?

My life, and my dads' life was quiet depressing, until one day two weeks ago, when he came back from job, smiling!

I was quite shocked to say the least. Dad hadn't smiled in eight years, not even to me. Maybe a little pull in the corners of his mouth sometimes, but it had been forced. This time it wasn't. This time it was a true smile, lightning up his whole face. At that time I was wondering what was going on.

* * *

Today I got the surprise thrown in my face, as dad came home and told me he was getting married again…

The first time I met her, I thought she was nice. She was a small woman, 1'6 perhaps, with brown hair and green eyes. The smile on her face was reflected in her eyes and told me she was a good person.

But I didn't like her.

She was nice, yes, but there was something with her that gave me goose bumps on my back.

I was a week ago that dad took her home with him, so that he could present me to her and her to me. They had come inside the house hand in hand, looking lovesick into each others' eyes, hadn't seen me standing in the hallway waiting for them.

When I saw them I felt that dad betrayed mum. He betrayed mums memory with being in love with someone else. I didn't want him to be depressed, I just wanted him to respect mums memory, and felt that he didn't.

Because I felt a little sick of the two lovebirds in the hallway, I left going into the kitchen. I made tea, while waiting, sitting on one of the three chairs around the table.

The kitchen wasn't big, but mum had liked it this way. She had said it gave her a feeling of tight family. And it had, because it was almost too small for all three of them to be there at the same time.

After a little while, but felt like an hour, dad and the woman came in the doorway smiling at me.

"Hello." She said to me with a small smile on her face. "You must be Chihiro, I am so glad I can finally meet you. I have looked forward to this meeting for a long time."

The sound of her voice was light and friendly, but the tone in which she talked to me was like she talked to a child. For heavens' sake I was no child, I was eighteen a month ago. But I didn't comment because of dads' happy face.

"Hello, nice to meet you to. I'm sorry but Father hasn't told me your name yet." I smiled a genuine smile; I was the only one who knew it was false. I had long experienced in acting happy when I wasn't.

She giggled a little, and lightly smacked dad on the arm.

"You haven't told her my name yet, but that you shall marry me. I feel a little hurt, love."

Dad laughed a bit uncomfortable. "I forgot, love, I was so nervous about telling her about our future marriage that I forgot everything else."

"I forgive you, but I don't want it to happen again." She said with a smile, but I could hear the command in her voice, and a small irritation. Dad didn't hear it; he just smiled, and was happy she didn't stay angry at him. I knew then at she would be the controlling part of the marriage, dad would follow her and take everything she said for granted and true.

She turned back to me, still smiling. "I'm Otorine Hana, but you can just call me Hana. I don't expect you to start calling me mum or mother, because I know I can never take the place of your real mother."

When she said the part about not needing to call her mother, I got the feeling she didn't want me to call her mother, ever. But that didn't bother me; I didn't want to call her mother anyway.

"Would you like a cup of tea, Hana?" I asked politely. She smiled again, nodded and took place at the table across from me. I started pulling out cups from the cupboard when dad interrupted me.

"There is no need to get one for me. I need to do some things, and will leave you here for a little while so that you can get acquainted. He smiled, gave Hana a kiss on the cheek and then left.

I shrugged, took two cups and poured hot tea into them. Then I turned back to the table, sat down and gave her the tea. She didn't smile or thank me for the inconvenience, just took it and blew gently to make it colder. I felt a little offended, wasn't it normal curtsey to say "thank you"? But I made sure I didn't show it on my face, taking on a blank mask, and waited.

I was patient, had a lot of training in waiting. I knew that if I asked her what she wanted, I would lose before it had even started, because she could take on the mask of innocence that she wore and make me the rude one. I wondered, absentmindly, what she would talk about. Would she talk to me at all? Actually I didn't care. I just wanted to get it over with, so I didn't have to meet her or talk to her more than necessary. I knew I would move out as fast as I got m enough money and found a suitable place.

"I don't like you." Her comment stopped my inner thought. "I know people like you. Just spoiled brats, gets everything they want, like they want it. But now it will become different. I don't tolerate spoiled persons, especially children. They are nasty when they are spoiled. And I will be glad when you are out of the house. Lucky for me you are so old, because then you can move out as fast as possible."

I listened to her in respectfully silence. Like I was interested in what she said, and that it was important. I understood that she wanted control in her new home and that I could be a hindrance. But she didn't need to talk to me like I was a child, it had been years since I had called myself a child and the people around me respected that and treated me like an adult. Well she had partly treated me as an adult, saying I was old enough to move out.

"So basically you tell me you are throwing me out? I can move out anytime, but to do so I need money. And I don't have enough at the moment." I smiled politely at her, trying to find out which way I should swim. I knew I needed a little time; therefore I tried to find the most polite way to say it.

"You insolent little girl, get yourself a job, maybe you can get some money if you work for it. I can guarantee you that you won't get any money from us."

The mask of a smiling nice woman was gone, and now she scowled at me, irritated and angry. She was trying to get the advantage and the control over the situation. But I knew that now I had won most of the game. I hadn't lost control and showed her the real me, I was still polite and had the "nice" mask on my face. Not showing her my feelings so that she couldn't get the upper hand.

I smiled again at her over the cup of tea, talking calmly. "I need half a year before I can move out. I am soon going to university anyway, and need to find a new place to live closer to that."

She seemed to relax slightly. "Good then you won't be in the way for my children to long. I am afraid you would be bad influence for them." I wanted to shout at her for what she said. It was rude to talk to anybody like that, but I didn't comment, just sipped a little more of my tea. Knowing if I did what I wanted to do, I would lose the upper hand I had right now.

"Of course" I said courteously.

Dad reemerged in the doorway. Hana put on a wide smile and started to laugh like I had said something funny. I smiled a polite smile once more, seeing through her scheme. She wasn't anything more than a woman trying to make herself a higher place in the little society she belonged to. And dad was the perfect weapon to get that place, since he had a fairly high position. She was a woman that survived by all means necessary. I respected her for that even if I didn't like her personally.

"Do you have fun together?" He asked with a smile of his own. She turned to him, smiled wider and answered: "Of course, my dear, we understand each other perfectly, don't we Chihiro?"

It was just me that got the secret threat in her words. I smiled to my dad, hoping he would be happy and wouldn't understand how his future wife truly was. "Yes Father, Hana and I has come to an agreement."


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own Spirited Away_  
**  
Chihiro**

I sat on my bed in my room and stared on the big picture I had painted of a dragon. It resembled my memory of Haku flying away from me after the talk we had in the gardens, where he gave me my name back and comforted me while I cried. The memory of that day made it stung in my eyes.

It was a beautiful picture, of blue sky and a few clouds drifting around, the dragon flew in the sky seeming to disappear in the distance. Under the sky you could see a bit of land, blooming flowers encircling a green-bluish river that curled in the landscape.

It was definitely my favorite picture. It represented Haku well, both as a dragon and as a river. It had been difficult to paint it. I had used many years, experimenting with colors, sceneries, prepositions and movements before I was satisfied with the picture. And the room bore witness to all my training since I had hanged all of the pictures I had painted on the walls. To tell the truth, all my four walls were totally decorated by paintings. I wondered briefly how my new stepmother would react when she saw my room.

I couldn't help but smile a little at the thought. It was little chance she would think of coming into my room. She had made it perfectly clear she wanted nothing to do with me. Before I got the time to get the small smirk off my face, the door opens with a loud bang and in the doorway stands one of my new stepsiblings, Sakure.

She is the one I dislike the most. She is obvious the leader of the siblings and have a totally evil mind. She has a perfect innocent appearance and most people like her because of it. She has a group of loyal followers that follows her blindly wherever she goes or do whatever she tells them to do. Nobody sees her like the bully she is, but thinks of her as a princess. And I can understand that, she has looks like a fairy elf, with long blond hair, not too small or too tall and a slim frame. The green eyes looking innocent and naive made her the prefect picture of beauty.

"Mum says I get this room, you will be sleeping in the big cupboard in the living room." I quietly sighed at this. They married yesterday and decided to skip the honeymoon going straight to the home life. Why couldn't they go on a honeymoon before moving in to the house, like a normal newlywed couple? Then I would get time to settle a little before Hana came to the house, and time to make some preparations like; cleaning, moving different things and prepare myself mentally for a new and unfamiliar family moving into my house. But alas no.

The marriage had been a quiet affaire, not many people had been there, like it was some sort of secret. But I didn't care. I wasn't interested in huge parties or such. After my mothers' death I felt that parties was against her memory and therefore refrained myself from going to social get-togethers like the others of my year group.

I had been one of the bridesmaids together with Hanas' two daughters: Sakure and Sayori. While Hanas' son Sakaki had been the ring bearer. He had just stood there, obvious bored to death because of the formalities took so long time.

"Wow you have many paintings of dragons!"

The excited scream of Sakure pulled me back to the room and the still coming doom of moving from my room to a cupboard. Why should she have room in a cupboard? Why couldn't she have this room, that where hers already? But I already knew why. Because Hanas' children wanted one room each and it wasn't enough rooms if Chihiro was there. And Hana gave the children everything they wanted, at Chihiros' expense.

"When you move to the cupboard you can leave the paintings here, because you won't have place to them and I want them!" Sakure walked into the room, tossed herself on the bed and looked hungry at the pictures. I felt a little sad at the thought of parting with the pictures.

"I take one of the pictures with me." I said and moved to get the painted picture that was my favorite. The dragon and the river, I could never part form this picture as long as I lived.

"No! You can't take that! That was the prettiest one, too!" Sakure started to whine, but I just took the picture with me, grabbed the bag I had packed while she stared at my pictures and left the room to move to the cupboard.

* * *

The first week wasn't that bad, I found out I actually liked the cupboard. It was nice, stuffy and small and gave me the perfect excuse to not be at home at all time.

I spent as much of my time possible at school and at the local library. Because of my oncoming tests I had to study a lot and was in need of a desk and a chair, something I couldn't get at home. I also got tranquility at the library, something I never got at home now.

Hana ignored me, roughly speaking; she only talked to me when she was absolutely had to or wanted me to do something. I did the laundry, washed the dishes after dinner, made dinner when I had time (also when I didn't have time) and took care of the house, I started to feel like a living in house maid. But I didn't say anything.

To not explode and show my true emotions, I kept saying a mantra in my head: You will move out soon and then you don't need to see them again. You will move out soon and then you don't need to see them again. _You will move out soon…_

The worst of them wasn't Hana. I was okay being ignored, but my new stepsiblings wouldn't leave me alone. Every time they did something they shouldn't or broke something it was my fault. If they said something rude, it was because of my influence.

And when I tried to study at home my stepsiblings would stand behind me or around me, asking questions or taking my book or papers. It was quite annoying, but I did nothing with it. Although if they had listened when I answered their questions maybe they would have gotten better marks.

One time at the start of the marriage, I had talked to dad about how it was for me, but he didn't do anything with it. He just told it to Hana and asked her to put things straight again. He left everything up to Hana. Did everything Hana said. He was being totally controlled by her.

_Flashback_

"_Your Father told me you where unsatisfied with something?" She said in a silky voice, standing in the opening of the cupboard. She had opened while I was sleeping and had wakened me up with the sudden light._

"_I thought we understood each other Chihiro. Didn't we have a deal? You get a job, gets money and move out within six months."_

"_I know already", I said._

"_So why are you unsatisfied? No don't answer that! You know Chihiro, if you just stop complaining and do the things asked of you; you get more money faster and can move out earlier. And I want to ignore your presence here until you are out, so just shout up about the unfairness you think you feel right now, and work more with moving out. Have I made myself clear this time?"_

I had nodded, and stopped complaining. I didn't talk with anyone much at all anymore. But I didn't care; I just wanted to get away. Away from the pain, the loneliness, and the fear of not being good enough. I wanted to get away to somewhere where I could find someone to hold me, someone to sot me and make me feel protected. But I knew I would never get that, not even when I finally could get away from my family. And why not? Because I didn't deserve it, I was a freak believing in Spirits and other Worlds wasn't I?

I was lying on my improvised bed inside the cupboard and thought again about the Spirit World. Why didn't Haku come to visit me like he promised? I missed him and the others. They had been my friends, and now I knew they were my only friends.

I had tried a few times to find the entrance to the Spirit World. And I had found it; it just didn't lead to the Spirit World but to an old rusty railway overgrown with weed and wild flowers. The first time I came across the entrance I had been so hopeful, finally I would get away from this horrible place. But when I came to the other side and found nothing, I had cried. It wasn't often I permitted myself to show such weakness, but this one time I let myself cry until I had no more tear left. After that my hope of getting to the Spirit World was broken, and each time I got to the rusty railway I felt that I died a little until my life had no longer any meaning.

I took out the picture I had taken with me and looked at it. Feeling an emotional outburst coming my way, silent tears flowing down my cheek, I didn't make a sound. But there was a sound, not coming from me but from the room outside of the cupboard. It was a faint sound, like someone light crossed the floor. I listened, trying to find out if it was a burglar or one of the residencies of the house.

The sound came closer and closer to the cupboard and I started to think it was either Hana or one of my stepsiblings coming to tease me again. Last time Sakure had thought it was funny to drown me with a bucket of ice cold water. I had been drenched, but all my clothes had also gotten wet, therefore I had been forced to walk around in wet clothes or none at all. I also had to clean up all the water and wash the contents of the cupboard.

Luckily I also got a cold. Sneezing and coughing for two weeks. Sakure had called me a living virus and Hana had denied me from doing anything or touch anything in the house, which I wasn't too depressed with since I got away from most of my chores, Hana was afraid I would infect her children with my germs.

Someone stood outside the cupboard, I embraced myself for whatever pranks coming this time, though I hoped it wasn't to awful and that it wouldn't give me too much work afterwards. Though I knew my hopes where in vain. Slowly the sliding door got opened and revealed a dark contour I wasn't familiar with.

* * *

**Haku**

It was eight years since I last saw her. I missed her terribly, but tried to hide it from the people around me, especially my friends. I felt lonely. Even when I was standing in the middle of a crowd or was surrounded by people talking or asking me to help or do things, I felt isolated.

I often took myself in thinking of her. Her smile, her cleverness, her eyes… I could still remember her hand in mine, the warmth from her flesh. Why had I let go of that hand? I still regretted what had happened that day. I should have told her my feelings, asked her to stay with me. She was mine that time, we had a bond. I wasn't sure about what kind of bond, but I knew it had been powerful.

But I knew I wouldn't have done it. I would never ask her to stay, because that would have been selfish and she needed her parents. If I had another chance I would have done exactly the same, because she had a happy life now. Something else I wouldn't believe. She was happy. And because I thought she was happy, I was happy. Or so I tried to make myself think.

In the eight years since our parting I had become a really powerful spirit. So powerful that I now had a position in the Spirit World no one could take from me, not even if I wanted them to. I was my own master, and master of others. And they followed me, not because I controlled them, but out of mutual respect. I used my time to make things better for the people that worked for me, and to the guest coming to my place.

I took myself in again, this wasn't the right time to pounder about things that couldn't be. I should be doing some paperwork right now, but I couldn't find the right mood to do them. Instead of sitting behind the desk, reading and scribbling, I was gazing out of the window in my office.

It was a clear night outside. The moon shone brightly in the sky. The stars twinkled happily. Not one clouds dared to show themselves in the sky. The only light in the dark night came from the moon and the stars. The streetlight wasn't lighted because of the particular night. It was a beautiful night, but I couldn't delight myself with the sight.

I started to think how she would have loved to stare up at the stars. She would have pointed at some of them, telling about how they seemed like a bunny or something, just like she did with the clouds. And if she saw a falling star, she would have closed her eyes, wrinkled her forehead in concentration, and made a silent wish. I would have asked her afterwards, and she would have blushed and refused to answer me.

I chuckled slightly. Yes she would be just like that. Innocent and gentle. A light in the darkest of places. Always smiling, radiating warmth and friendliness. That was her charm and personality. A person, either being spirit or human, would be drawn towards her, a natural leader and friend.

She was the reason for my entire existence. I knew the bonds we had shared when she had been here in the Spirit World, where cut when she returned to the Human world, but there was one Bond that would never go away. And that bond made me wonder how she looked now. Had she grown higher? Maybe gotten a few curves on her body? Was her eyes still captivating?

I didn't know. But I wished I knew. Did she have a mate yet? I knew the Humans didn't call it mates. But for me, if she was together with another male, she had a mate. I felt a little jealous at the thought of a male that wasn't me, close enough to touch her, but pushed it away. She was happy in the Human world where she belonged. Even if the mate she had wasn't the true one. As she was a human, she would not be able to sense it like I could, being a magical creature.

I knew she didn't remember me. The Boarder wouldn't let a Human leave with knowledge of the Spirit World, because the humans would misused it. That thought hurt the most. I wanted her to remember me. Remember me and wait for me to hold my promise to her. The promise I had given to her when we parted. But because I knew she couldn't remember, I always wondered. If she had remembered me, would she love me like she did when she was ten years old? Or maybe the love she had felt for me had become stronger. Maybe she had loved me so much that she would leave the Human World and stay with me of her own free will?

I shook my head, trying to stop myself from thinking. I needed to stop thinking about her. I knew I would just make myself miserable. And then it would be harder to put up a happy face in front of other people that expected me to be glad. I knew I didn't smile enough to reassure the people about my cheerfulness. But I wasn't cheerful and would never be as long as I was alone.

I knew my little sister saw it sometimes, the lonely look in my eyes. And she had asked me about it, I hadn't answered her, just left her standing there. It hadn't been nice to do it. But I didn't want her to worry about me, she had other things to think and worry about. After that I became better at hiding the loneliness, and she hadn't asked again.

I liked my sister. I was quite fond of her. When she first came to me, I wasn't sure what to do or believe. Because up to that moment I had thought I was the only offspring in my "family". I had been quite shocked the first time.

_Flashback_

"_Master Haku. Master Haku!" One of the spirits came running towards him shouting. He had started to get angry, both because the spirit wouldn't stop shouting and that he looked terrified._

"_Yes."_

"_Master Haku, there is a girl in the entrance hall saying she is your sister. I didn't know you had a sister, Master."_

_I had looked at the spirit, seen the honesty in his eyes, telling me this wasn't some kind of trick that I didn't need to use my time on. _

"_Show me the way." I said courtly. I wanted to get it over with as fast as possible._

"_Of course Master. Right away, Master."_

_When we arrived at the entrance, there was a young looking girl standing a little inside the door, discussing heatedly with one of the guards._

"_I tell you he is my Brother. We were separated when he started his apprenticeship with the witch Yubaba."_

"_I can't remember it. I can't remember we have ever met before, young one."_

_The girl had turned around sharply, looking at him. Then Haku suddenly found himself holding the young woman in his hands, while she hugged him firmly and crying, making his clothes wet. _

"_Please let me stay here, Brother. I won't stay in the way, I will even help you if you want, but please don't make me go back to our parents. They don't want me…" _

I agreed to her staying. Feeling that I had to, I knew how my parents where first handily and didn't want anyone to live in that mess. After some time I grew used to her. She was one of the only ones that could make me laugh.

Sometimes she came to me and asked me to tell her stories. And I told her stories. I wasn't good to make up stories or remember stories that were told to me, so I told her stories about Chihiro.

My sister had been quite fond of the stories about Chihiro. And asked me to tell her them all the time. I had sometimes told too many details, so if she thought about it really hard, she would have understood it was about a real person not just someone I made up.

But she was too young to understand. Too innocent and naïve. She had never asked me if the lady from the stories was real. And I was happy for that.

I sighed. Turned away from the window and stared at the papers lying on my desk. I could do them tomorrow. Today I was tired and didn't want to do them. Therefore I decided to go looking for my little sister.

Usually she would have been in the office at this hour, telling me she was bored and ask me to do something with her. Anything would be fine, even helping with the paperwork.

I wrinkled my forehead. Where could she be since she wasn't bored? Who had she disturbed in their work? Maybe Rin, she liked Rin to much for her own good.

I found Rin at the entrance, greeting guests.

"Have you seen my sister tonight?"

She shaked her head to answer me, still smiling to the oncoming guests. I left her, didn't want to distract her. I walked down to the boiling room. And put my head inside to ask Kamaji if he had seen her.

"Your sister, Master Haku? No, I haven't seen her tonight and that's a bit weird since I see her every night." He scratched his head with one of his many arms, before shouting at the soot balls to keep on working.

I shaked my head and started to be a little worried. Where could she be? I searched the whole place, even the many gardens. But she was nowhere to be found.

Now I was worried and angry. She knew she had to tell me if she left, when she came back she had a lot to explain and needed a lot of time, because I would shout at her for a few hours to make her guilty and to relive myself from the horror of losing her.

But the main question was still: Where was she?


	4. Chapter 4

**_Disclaimer: Spirit Away and it's caracters are not mine, i just play with them_**

* * *

**Chihiro**

The figure standing in the light made me a little scared. Because I couldn't see the person or whatever it was, I felt somewhat afraid. Thoughts rang through my head.

Who was it? What was going on?

But before I could get accustomed to the light shining in from the room, the figure disappeared.

I blinked, trying to see clearly. It was still dark outside, telling me it was still night or early morning. The sun would come out soon. I could feel it even if I didn't have a clock to show me the exact time.

I stretched, trying to make myself wake up. I needed to find out who had broken into the house. Maybe it had been a burglar after all, since it hadn't happened anything. If it had been one of my stepsiblings, I would not sit in the cupboard unharmed, such as I was now.

I got out of the cupboard silently, I didn't want to wake up the whole house, and if I did I knew the consequences would be horrible. Maybe they would make me go without food for the rest of the week or fail a test I knew I could top mark on. Hana didn't like getting waked up before nine on a no-working day like today. And her children took after her in that fashion. If I dared to touch the light before they woke up, even if it was in the living room on the first floor, while the bedrooms were on the second floor, she would try to strangle me.

I tried to get accustomed to the half light of the early morning, looking around the living room, trying to find evidence of the burglar or mysterious person that had been there moments before. I was sure it hadn't been a trick, there had been a person there, someone I didn't know, and it unsettled me.

A faint light started to glow in the room, lighting it dimly, making it possible to make out more contours than before. I walked on light feets to the windows, looking out at the sun starting to rise in the horizon. It was a beautiful morning. The sky had taken a faint pink glow from the sun. The sun was shining brightly yellow and had a circle of red around it.

I parted the curtains. They were white and were next to impossible to keep clean, but Hana had insisted that they should be white just because it would impress the neighbors that she could keep white curtains with children in the house. It was I who got the job with keeping them white and I washed them several time during the week, Sakure and Sakaki liked to touch them when they had dirty hands.

The light in the room became stronger because of the direct sunlight coming in through the windows. I looked around the living room again, trying to find a clue about the mysterious intruder. But there were no sign of breaking in or out and nothing of the stuff in the living room was taken or moved from the positions they had been in the day before.

"There must be something here." I mumbled to myself, making me start. Why had I spoken out loud? I just hope nobody heard me. I didn't want to get in trouble now before my exams, because if I failed my exams I wouldn't be able to go to university like I wanted. And it would also make it more difficult to move out.

Something in the corner of my left eye got my attention; the thing was shining in many different colors, like a rainbow. It was little, I could see, maybe a small stone reflecting the light outside? But it was unlikely I thought, because Hana didn't like shining stones and forbade her children from "take in something that belonged outside", as she called it.

I walked over to it, picked it up from the floor and viewed the item lying in my hand. I had never seen anything like it before, not that big, it looked like a scale without color. If I looked directly at it in the shadows it was transparent, but in the light it couth the different colors perfectly, reflecting them to the whole room. It made the room sparkle brightly.

I felt lighter seeing the display of light and different colors. It was like the rainbow colors made me safe and protected. I felt like I had gotten back something that I had lost a long time ago. Why did a scale have this effect on me? It was just a scale, but I knew it was important. How I knew I didn't know, I just knew.

I sensed more than heard someone coming into the living room hurriedly I put the scale in my pocket, hiding it from view. I didn't want anyone to take the scale away from me because I needed it. I needed it badly.

"What are you doing making so much noise in the early morning? Don't you respect the people wanting to sleep when they can?"

I turned around eying Sayori. She was a very quiet girl, almost blended in with the floor or the walls. I didn't dislike her quite as much as her sister and brother because she usually wasn't involved in the pranks, just looking from the sides. Unfortunately this gift of hers to appear invisible even in an empty room unsettled me.

"I'm sorry, the birds woke me up. I did try to be quiet."

Sayori looked at me, her eyes calculating. That was also one of the things I feared about her. She didn't stroll right into things like her siblings, but thought before doing anything. And she had a very special mind. Coming up with many different plans and things so fast a normal person had difficulties with follow her thoughts. In my mind I called her a genius, even if no one else called her that.

"I didn't ask for an apology, did I? I asked why you were making so much noise in the morning, for you to do that there must have happened something. You are usually so quiet that no one knows you're awake before you put the breakfast on the table."

I felt a little nervous. I didn't want her to wake Hana or any of the others, but I didn't want to tell her about the mysterious person either. Trying to think about an explanation while she was staring at me unmoving was really hard.

"Um… I thought I heard a noise and thought I should find out what it was. But the room was too dark to see anything so I opened the curtains."

"Did you find anything? Anything that made the noise you were talk about?"

I shook my head. "No, there was nothing."

She looked at me disbelieving. And then she shrugged, trying to look innocent, and not showing she cared about something. I felt a bit scared, when she was like that there was something going to happen, something I knew I wouldn't like.

Suddenly someone grabbed my hands from behind. And then I heard Sakakis' voice in my ear. His whispering sent shivers down my back. He had come into my personal space, and I felt really uncomfortable being held from behind where I couldn't see the person holding me.

"You know Chihiro it's not nice to lie."

I had opened my mouth to tell him I didn't lie and ask him what he talked about when…

"And don't try telling me you didn't lie. I know you are hiding something. Maybe the thing you are hiding is in one of you pockets?"

Sakure had come into the room also, she was smirking at me. When Sakaki said I hid something in my pockets she jumped forwards.

"I can search her pockets. I want to see what she thinks is so important that she would try to hide it."

"Calm down Sakure, she isn't running anywhere soon. You can search all her pockets all you want in a minute."

Sayori was standing with the window glancing out. I knew now why she was talking to me. She had distracted me from Sakaki. So that he could grab me like he did. And I knew I hated her and the rest of my stepfamily more then I had thought possible when they moved in and changed my life so drastically.

"Now let's see what she has gotten in her pockets, shall we?"

The voice of Sakaki was mocking me in my ear, telling me to try and fight him, try to get away with my "treasure", but I wouldn't fight him. I wouldn't give him the satiation of seeing me struggling.

Sakure giggled, I felt a bit sick of the sound of it. Then she stuck her hands down my pockets on the third try she found the scale.

"I found something. Do you know what it is?"

She took it from my pocket and showed it to the other two. The scale was shining in the refection of the sun, but it had lost its special glow I had seen in it before, now it looked dead and worthless.

"It's just a scale from something nasty. I don't know where she got it from but it is not important. It's just junk, throw it away Sakure, it's not something special. Maybe she got it from her mother. I actually pity her if that is a she got."

Sayori laughed, but looked at the scale with disdain, like it had done something to her personally. Maybe she had expected something more spectacular things to be I my pockets and was disappointed with the findings? I didn't know and I didn't want to know. The only thing I wanted was to get the scale back.

Suddenly Sakaki dropped my hands and I stumbled forwards, landing on the floor on all four. They all snickered. I stood up, looking at Sakure.

"Can I have it back please? It's mine and I want it back."

"Sakure looked a little on me before she looked at the scale, then back at me. Suddenly she put the scale in her back pocket.

"It is a nice thing even if it has no great value so I have decided to keep it myself."

* * *

I tried to get it back. The scale. It was important to me. Not just because it reminded me of Him, but also because I had felt safe when I held it in my hands.

I knew I couldn't go to Father or stepmother. They wouldn't care about such things, telling me it wasn't an important enough item to have any value for me.

I needed to find a way myself to get it back, without help and being discovered. It would be difficult. Impossible even. But I had to try. My sanity depended on it. Because I was slowly going crazy with the situation I lived in. The psychological abuse I had lived with for a while now was strongly on its way to destroy me from the inside.

It took me three days to come up with a plan. It was a very uncertain plan with many flaws. But I knew it was the only way to get the scale without being seen by anyone. The day I was to set the plan into action, a bomb where dropped over my head and I didn't get the chance to get the scale.

"Miss Ogino I want to talk to you, can you stay after class?"

My teacher was a really nice man. He had helped me a lot with my schoolwork so that I could get into the university I wanted to. Because of this I respected him more than anyone else.

"What is it, sensei? Is there something I can help with?"

He sighed. He was staring at his desk; suddenly he looked into my eyes. I saw pain in them. What was going on? Had there happened something to Father? Had I forgotten to deliver something from the coursework? I didn't think so…

"Miss Ogino, because of the drastic drop of your grades and inattentiveness in class it is with regret I must inform you that you won't be able to apply for your chosen university. I understand that it's difficult when a parent remarries, but your grades have dropped too far. And on the same note: you won't get a scholarship either because of the drastic drop."

I could just stare at him. My brain couldn't comprehend what he said. "…Can't apply…" "…drop of grades…" "…won't get scholarship…" What should I do now? I had failed my schooling. But my grades hadn't dropped that much had they?

"I understand sir, if you excuse me."

I fled from the classroom without waiting for the dismissal. I felt like I stood beside myself. What had happened? What should I do now? Where was I to go? I knew I couldn't return home after this. Hana would throw me out. I knew she would, I had promised her to disappear after the graduation. But now I had nowhere to disappear to.

I felt numb. Didn't know what to do anymore. I had failed myself. And now there was no turning back. I was out of the school building, running full speed. People I ran past looked at me with curiosity, but I ignored them. Didn't really see them either.

The wind on my face did nothing to wake me up from my numbness. But when I saw the canal I stopped. It was like the water sang to me. Told me to go into the water. It would protect me, hold me away from any harm, and punish the ones responsible for my distress.

Unsure I took a few step closer to the water, it bristled through me, taking all the pain and the tension away. Suddenly I felt calm, free. I wanted to get nearer the water, be surrounded by it. The water would make me safe and…

"I wouldn't do that if I was you."

The voice startled me. Was there someone speaking to me? Turning around I saw a young girl standing a few feet away from me. She couldn't be more than ten-eleven years old. She had startling green eyes and black hair. She was unnatural pale and had an aura around her of wisdom beyond her years.

"Why shouldn't I do it? I am older than you, you don't understand the problems of an adult. You don't even know me so how can you say that."

The girl smiled a little smile. It was really nice, made her look like an angel. She turned away from me and walked down to the canal. When she reached it, she put her hand in the water and splashed it.

"Do you know the name of this river?"

I blinked at her. Name? River?

"There aren't any rivers here." The confusion evident in my voice. "This is a canal."

"This was once a river, and since it was a river once it still is a river. Even if the river get a new form or a new way it is still a river. The river will flow always even if it isn't called a river anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you know the name of this river, Chihiro?"

Too confused to understand her, I shook my head.

"This is the Kohaku River. Long ago it is said that this river would help the ones in need if they brought a gift to it. A sacrifice if you want. If you want to live, the sacrifice needed to be something valuable to the person who wanted the help. The item needed to be more valuable than the persons own life."

The Kohaku River. Who would have thought I would stumble across the Kohaku River? I didn't know if the girl was telling the truth, but the things she told were just a fairytale of old days. Or was it? When I was three, Haku saved me. What had I sacrificed then? Suddenly I remembered my favorite shoe vanish with the currents in the water. Had that been my sacrifice?

I turned to the girl, intended to ask her about what she meant about "the item needed to be more important than the persons own life". But she was gone. Nowhere in sight.

I sighed. What should I do know? Go home? Facing Hana's wrath wasn't something I looked forward to. But I knew I needed to go too that house one more time. I needed something from the house. A new path opened before me.

* * *

When I came back to the house, it was dark. Everyone had gone to bed, not waiting for me. I knew they wouldn't wait. I was after all eighteen years old and could take care of myself.

I found the key in my pocket, and silently locked up the door. The first thing I did was going into the kitchen. From my backpack, I had taken it with me from school without thinking; I got paper and a pen.

After scratching down a letter, I left the kitchen and entered the living room. Inside the cupboard I got my picture of Haku. I felt sad that I should depart with it, but I didn't need it anymore.

Quietly I got up the stairs and into my old bedroom. I hadn't been there since the day I moved to the cupboard. It wasn't too changed, all my old dragon pictures were still on the walls, and the furniture was the same old. But the room seemed different somehow.

Slowly I walked towards the nightstand, I knew the item I needed would be there. When I found it I laid the only dragon picture I had taken with me on the nightstand instead of. A trade of items. Even if the items were both mine from the beginning. I was after all fair.

With the needed item, I walked back down out the door. I locked it and lay the key under the doormat. Turning away from the door of the house that had been my home for the last eight years I walked towards the canal. No, not the canal: the Kohaku River.

When I came closer I could hear the song again calling for me. Holding hard into the scale in my hand, taking a deep breath, I walked into the River and let the currents take me.

* * *

The next morning, when the Ogino household woke up, they got a shocking surprise. Mr. Ogino was fast on the phone talking to the police. Not many minutes later, there were police officers sitting in the little kitchen.

They got to see the letter Chihiro had written. Afterwards they spoke to the central, and a search party was made. They searched everywhere even in the canal, but no one found a body, and there was no trace of Chihiro traveling away from the city.

The sudden disappearance of Chihiro Ogino started various investigations, trying to find out why a young woman would disappear like she did. What the investigators found out shocked an already shocked city.

Hana was charged with child abuse against her stepdaughter, driving her to what she did. She was sentenced to four years in prison and to never have any contact with her three children again. Sakure, Sayori and Sakaki were placed in children's home. The school was charged with not taking signals seriously and had to pay a great deal of money to Mr. Ogino.

Mr. Ogino was left alone. He knew he should be sentenced to prison himself, for the way he had treated his daughter the last few years. He was as guilty in child abuse as Hana. But he was never charged. In the end he ended up alone in his house, sitting in the living room, drinking and looking at the letter from Chihiro.

_Goodbye Father_

_I am sorry to say that I can't be here any longer. _

_I had an agreement with Stepmother that I would move out as soon as I graduated, but today my teacher told me I would not be able to graduate because of the big drop of my grades. _

_Because I keep my promises I will leave the house now._

_But this is not the only reason I leave, the other reason is because I don't feel welcome in the household anymore. I am no longer a part of the family. Do you ignore me because Hana told you to ignore me, or because I remind you of Mother?_

_Tell Sakure that I haven't stolen from her, because technically the item I took was mine from the beginning, but I have traded it for the picture she always wanted but never got the chance to take from me. _

_I don't think we will meet again Father, but know that I will finally be happy. (I haven't been truly happy since Mother died.) And I wish you a happy life in the future, and I am truly sorry I can't be there to experience it myself._

_Good wishes _

_Chihiro_


End file.
